I am so sorry that you have such torment. There are several suicides in Scripture, and no where does it say anything about it being an unforgivable sin, much less a sin at all. Then there is the story of Massada, and again, no mention of sin. I don't know a whole lot about what religion says, but if Scripture is the authority, I do not see anything to indicate that the act of suicide would damn a person. Please have peace in knowing that.