Just going to bleed here a bit...apologies.
Worked for the last couple of years as a service tech for a pharm company. Good pay, wayyyy too many hours, never home, family suffered.
Got a new job as a service tech with a different company. Better hours, home life, that sort of thing. During a 'this doesn't leave the room' meeting, they let me know that their business model is to inflate the price of replacement parts by %70 to effectively force customers into purchasing a service agreement, thereby they get %50 off from all replacement parts. I personally consider this very shoddy business, but they are my employer so what ya gonna do. Big problem with this is that they do business with the VA. As I am still in the reserves, I am obligated to report fraud. Pretty sure any military member will back me up on this. When I went to my manager to request that he keep me out of the VA's and such so I could turn a blind eye, his response was to fire me. Lovely.
So, in a fit of patriotism ( and desperation ), went in to talk to my Reserve unit to see if they could do anything for me. The word Austerity got tossed around a whole lot, but the final answer turned out to be 'No, there is no money.' Wonderful!
Talked to the unemployment folks in my state. It turns out that Moral Turpitude is a sound reason to deny unemployment benefits. That was the grounds under which I was dismissed. I would say it was for business ethics, but that might be splitting hairs. So, because I quit my last job to pursue the new one, and was fired from the new one, the answer is No. Fabulous.
So, decided it was time to start armoring full time. I make and sell medieval armor. It is a joy for me. I absolutely love picking up the hammer and making that steel sing. I love creating. And, it can be profitable! Lined up some commissions and went to work. You ever work a job where you cannot wait to start and hate when you have to stop? That is what I have!
But alas, apparently a person cannot really be happy anymore. I feel resentment and anger from my wife. Granted, this could be guilt on my part for being happy, but I am starting to believe that she is upset with me for being truly content and loving my work. I do get to work from home, and that has huge advantages, but pounding hot steel 12 hours a day is not exactly kicking back. Just because you love your work, does not mean that it is not work!
So, with the resentment growing and the somewhat volatile uncertainty of owning a small business, we got stress =) Even better...you are going to love this...I woke up this morning to feed my 5 month old son and checked my bank account to see if an order of rivets went through...and it turns out my account balance on my/wifes/business accounts is $0.00. Notice of Levy - ########. They took every single penny.
Because, when things are this bad, the best thing to do is to leave me flat broke with no hope.
So I ask, where is God? To describe my current mind-set, I would have to say...volatile. I am a military fella...been doing it my whole life. When the screws are turned this tightly, how am I supposed to react? My dignity is gone. My manhood is gone. My ability to provide is gone ( I cannot even pay for the rivets now. How exactly am I supposed to ship finished armor with no rivets? ). Called my father, he empathizes. I would call a friend but I don't have one. Tried to get into my wife's church this morning just to talk to someone, but they were all busy. They do a radio show from there and they were all busy. Too busy.
Ever feel that crushing burden on your shoulders?
This is just a rant mind you. I am sure everything will work out, just doesn't feel that way right now. Sometimes I really wish I had faith but God has never talked to me...
To any of the DHS folks who monitor these boards, I am not dangerous. I am all talk and bluster. I have not received any martial training from the military. This has just been a test.