Just in! Meuller investigation finally uncovers a crime!

[Farp]

Update—In a recent announcement, Al Gore, a spokesperson for CRAP, says that gum trees are endangered by bubble gum theft. He explained that there is too much bubble gum theft by kids.This has led to more bubble gum trees being harvested while they are too young to produce good gum stuff. This has led to vast forests being cut down in order to make room for more gum tree groves. Gum tree groves are less dense than the forests, so less carbon dioxide is removed from the atmosphere, thus depleting the ozone layer that leads to more global warming.

In short, Al Gore is blaming Little Johnny for global warming, saying it's an inconvenient truth.

While gum tree groves are less dense than the forests, CNN reoprts they are not less dense than Al.

[Farp]

NOTE: The above was my last report, as I can't stand to watch the news any longer.

Farp--signing off

[ractivist]

Just in, liberals across the nation are chewing gum and planting it in honor of Little Johnny. They urge you to leave lots of saliva on it as it needs it to grow....

[Bezukhov]

NOTE: The above was my last report, as I can't stand to watch the news any longer.

Farp--signing off

No!!! This is important!

[consteacher]

Update: FARP was reportedly found in a civil-war era fort near Washington, shot several times behind the head with spent bubblegum. wrappers were also found at the scene and initial report indicate no foul play is suspected. Source: Chelsea Clinton. prep an pray, the end has arrived (and its dang cold in da bayou, got to 14 here gonna warm up to 45, heatwave!)

[Farp]

Well, I decided to bring this one up again. With what Mueller's "accomplished" to date, I think he'd have been better off going after Johnny for stealing the gum.

BTW--with Bengahzi, fast & Furious, FISA, the Debra Wasserperson Schulz laptop debacle, the DNC admitting they screwed Sanders, Uranium One, etc., etc., etc., we still have the updated tally:

TOTAL PROSECUTIONS: 0, zip nada