Paid egg donor wanted

[Manuel O'Kelley]

MS---if you cannot find one under 25 consider genetic testing if you have to use someone over 25. It is widely available now and pretty accurate and reasonably priced.

If I were in that situation I would consider that as almost all my ancestors for the last three generations have remained fertile into their late 50's/early 60's and many healthy children were born to them in their 40's-50's.

[MinnesotaSmith]

Just curious what will you do if the test results come back negative?

My wife and I would soon OWN every penny to the doctor's name, and much of what he'd earn in the future. Re about the child? I honestly don't know; my wife and I have trouble imagining that possibility except intellectually. Our only choices would be to keep and raise the baby, or to put it up for adoption (remember, this is in the first month after birth; a healthy Caucasian infant would be snapped up by a first-rate family that unlike us finds adoption compatible with their values).

Anyway, the odds of such a fraud being perpetrated upon us are apparently less than one in a thousand. With the more usual way of producing babies carrying a cuckoldry rate of up to 30% per baby among Americans, this is actually way "safer" that way than the usual way. (I would have done a paternity test on an infant produced by a wife the usual way in any event, given that rate.)

[MinnesotaSmith]

MS---if you cannot find one under 25 consider genetic testing if you have to use someone over 25. It is widely available now and pretty accurate and reasonably priced.

If I were in that situation I would consider that as almost all my ancestors for the last three generations have remained fertile into their late 50's/early 60's and many healthy children were born to them in their 40's-50's.

And, I've been reading up on this subject for years, enough to know that there is NO testing that can show that TIME is not passing for a woman's ova as she leaves her early twenties, because it IS passing. (We are doing PGD on all the embryos, or genetic testing prior to implantation in any event, even if the donor were to be 19, the youngest I've seen on donor sites.)

Past around age 34 for genetic mother, there is a roughly one-to-one reduction in life expectancy for daughters. It doesn't mean that if a mother is 39 at age of conception, any daughter she'd have would die at (say) 69 instead of 74, with nothing changed before then. Rather, there is a reduction in vitality (and thus life expectancy) ALL THROUGH LIFE, and while chromosome trisomies can be checked for, post-conception there is nothing that can be done about that age issue. (Before, all that could be done would be to avoid having the genetic mother be past a certain age.)

Further, the effects of the genetic father being older (I'm late 40s) are apparently ameliorated completely by a particularly young genetic mother. That is why the age 25 issue is a hard limit for us; we almost got someone who was age 22, but someone beat us to her services first. Sigh.

[MinnesotaSmith]

Yes. Ditto. Not bashing here but I have to wonder given many of the previous posts whether any of this is a good idea. Lucky Guy, you have the same long history on the boards as I do and go back to 1999 . . .

Then again, it really isn't any of my business.

I have, together with my wife, what I believe to be a substantially better understanding of what it takes to make a marriage lifelong, and to raise children to most likely be productive, happy adults capable of and inclined to properly raise famiilies of their own. It's most people in the West these days that at best only dimly understand the new and highly dangerous (to good outcomes) risks that are now considered acceptable, even desirable, to most people who would marry and raise children. Please read the two articles my signature links to (I understand their, and similiar, works' points quite well), if you are in doubt about this.

[Annie Maude]

Best wishes to you. A family member just conceived in this way, their fist and only baby, and we are all over the moon happy for them.

[Gib]

MS, we have an Irish red haired daughter - married. I would have a large problem to have my grandchild given up in this fashion. It is a deeply spiritual thing for us but I hope you find the right woman.

[MinnesotaSmith]

MS, we have an Irish red haired daughter - married. I would have a large problem to have my grandchild given up in this fashion. It is a deeply spiritual thing for us but I hope you find the right woman.

First, thank you for your well wishes.

Re the "give a grandchild up" issue...

If you're referring to the <1 in 1000 chance of the wrong sperm being used to fertilize the embryos, well, the child from that would not technically BE either of "our child", at least genetically. Giving it up for adoption would IMO be a disappointment and inconvenience, but not "losing our child".

If instead you're referring to the hypothetical example of if my wife and I were to pay your daughter to be our egg donor, well, every 28 days she loses a potential grandchild of yours. IVF following ova donation just 1) speeds it up (six to as many as 30+ ova get released and harvested at a time this way) and 2) avoids the usual 100% waste of them. There is the other 49% of genetics coming from me (not 50% BC of cytoplasmic DNA only coming from the genetic mother) plus the nontrivial effect of our raising the child and making it completely (the rest of the way) completely "ours". Those shouldn't seem so objectionable, when you think about it.

BTW, many egg donors are married with children. Our gestational surrogate is. Her husband is fine with this, or it wouldn't be happening.

[Easyrider]

BTW, many egg donors are married with children. Our gestational surrogate is. Her husband is fine with this, or it wouldn't be happening.

Pardon my ignorance on the nomenclature, but does that mean someone else is going to carry another woman's egg 9 months, deliver a baby, and hand it over to you and your wife?

[MinnesotaSmith]

Pardon my ignorance on the nomenclature, but does that mean someone else is going to carry another woman's egg 9 months, deliver a baby, and hand it over to you and your wife?

As opposed to what is called a "traditional" surrogate, where both the egg donor and gestator are the same third-party woman, who then hands over the baby shortly after birth. Our surrogate has agreed to nurse for a couple of days so the baby gets the colostrum. My wife will take hormones for a few weeks prior to due date so she'll be able to nurse the child thereafter.

[Easyrider]

As opposed to what is called a "traditional" surrogate, where both the egg donor and gestator are the same third-party woman, who then hands over the baby shortly after birth. Our surrogate has agreed to nurse for a couple of days so the baby gets the colostrum. My wife will take hormones for a few weeks prior to due date so she'll be able to nurse the child thereafter.

In all seriousness, and truly without any malice, why not simply adopt? I am of the belief you will be harming the mother that carry's this child. I don't care what she feels right now. After she has that child, she will never ever forgive herself for giving it away.

For me, this is really a tragedy full of good intention. There's a road that goes somewhere that's paved with good intention's, too. Sorry.